Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
handjob tips. give me some.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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