Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
