im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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