If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
