my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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