a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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