Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
