I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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