toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
