i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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