Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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