yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize