You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
