I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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