Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize