I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
