So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
