the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
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