Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
