Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
