I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize