Pappa wants mamma naked
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
As shirtless as possible
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
