fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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