Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
