dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
