he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
