The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
