And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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