maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
