Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize