my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
