I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
