before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
