What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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