I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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