After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
