I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
