I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
