Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
