So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
