Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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