We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Houston, we have a squirter
Is it penis luge time yet?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
