I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
