What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
