i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
