So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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