Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
