remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Randomize
