Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You're like the curious george of whores
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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