I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
