Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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