maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
