so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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