like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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