I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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