so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I fill condoms, not promises.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
