what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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