somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
accomplished twins. life is a go
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
