He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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