I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
