I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize