I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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