Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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