yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
