Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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