I smell stomach acid.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I think I sprained my soul last night
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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