We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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