dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
