does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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