Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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