Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
We're too hungover to prance.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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