oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
