My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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