Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
