we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize