nut hugger
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
i think im in europe. pls send help
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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