I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize