She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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