i permit you to call me
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
