Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
