Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
The uberlube is also flammable
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
