hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm passing your future prison.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
