I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
